October 9th, 2012 
Up4Dsn 
The following is an interview I did with a 40 something year old man who has cheated on his wife off and on during the 10 years that they have been married. He will give his insight on why men cheat and has a few things to say to women about cheating.
The Sexy Single Mommy: Welcome and thank you for agreeing to this interview.
The Married Cheater: Your welcome.
The Sexy Single Mommy: Tell me a little about yourself.
The Married Cheater: Well, I have been married 10+ years, good career, good provider for my family and I love my wife and kids.
The Sexy Single Mommy: So, let me just right into it…do you cheat on your wife?
The Married Cheater: YES!
The Sexy Single Mommy: That was without hesitation. Why is that? Are you not happy?
The Married Cheater: Yes, extremely happy. My wife never turns me down when it comes to sex, she is willing to try new things, etc. but every now and then a man wants something different.
The Sexy Single Mommy: Something different? Why, if you are getting everything that you need at home?
The Married Cheater: It is in a man’s nature. We like to chase and conquer.
The Sexy Single Mommy: Doesn’t that get old after a while?
The Married Cheater: What? New pussy?
The Sexy Single Mommy: Yes, all these different women.
MC: No!
The Sexy Single Mommy: How is that in a man’s nature?
MC: Look at every animal. Humans are animals. We do everything an animal does. A mother protects a cub with her life. It’s a natural instinct. Men, like to conquer. It’s a natural instinct. We kill animals to eat and survive and every male animal has more than one mate. Look at lions, bulls, etc. They all have a harem. They protect that harem and will die fighting to protect their harem. The dominate males mates with several females, so it’s actually in our nature to mate and multiply.
It goes back to the beginning, every king had a gang of women. We don’t want to have sex with the same woman over and over. In Africa, you can have as many wives as you want as long as you can take care of them. Look at Muslim’s. Same thing. It is only in America that you can’t have more than one wife.
The Sexy Single Mommy: That’s not only in America
The Married Cheater: Of course, but you get my meaning.
The Sexy Single Mommy: You mentioned that is in your nature to mate and multiply…does that mean that you do not use protection with these other women.
The Married Cheater: I was just giving an example. Of course, I use protection. The last thing that I am thinking about is having a baby outside my marriage. I just want to have sex with someone different and go about my way.
The Sexy Single Mommy: Do these women know about one another? Does your wife know?
The Married Cheater: No, my wife does not know. The other women know that I am married. Hell, they are married! Women are no different from us! They do the same thing. They want something different, too!
The Sexy Single Mommy: Do you feel any remorse about what you’re doing?
The Married Cheater: Yes, I do but not enough to make me stop doing what I am doing. (Laughs)
The Sexy Single Mommy: What if you found out your wife was cheating on you?
The Married Cheater: She is probably doing it, too. If she is…so what? I might be mad but shit, I did it. I am not trying to leave my marriage behind it because I know it was just sex.
The Sexy Single Mommy: So, if the day comes that your wife finds out about all this, then what?
The Married Cheater: Then she just finds out. What can I do?
The Sexy Single Mommy: Do you think that men are not capable of being faithful?
The Married Cheater: I can’t speak for every man but I can tell you that 98% of men will cheat.
The Sexy Single Mommy: What message would give women?
The Married Cheater: Just because a man cheats on you doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. It’s a physical thing for us. It’s not a mental attraction. It doesn’t change the way that he feels about you. We can have sex and it’s just that…sex! We are not emotional like women are. It’s just a man’s nature. Plus, women do the same thing. It’s just not only men cheating. Women cheat, too! Put it like this, you wouldn’t want to eat chicken every day of your life, would you?
The Sexy Single Mommy: No
The Married Cheater: There it is. We don’t want to have sex with the same person every day of our lives either.
The Sexy Single Mommy: Well, there it is. Thank you for taking the time to give women some insight on cheating from a man’s point of view.
The Married Cheater: Your welcome. Anytime.
Up 4 Discussion…
1) Do you agree with what he said?
2) Do women cheat just as much as men?
3) Are men capable of being faithful?
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Tyese Knighten is the Editor in Chief of the Sexy Single Mommy.com. She writes about the uncensored truth about being a sexy single mommy. Her blog is not only for single mothers, but she also gives the raw truth to both men and women about dating and relationships.
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Oh my!! LOL!! I'm not sure how I feel about anything he said.
I just went on a field trip through emoticon land. I'm sure my facial expressions were some kodak moments. o.0 :@
LOL
LOL! You are hilarious Candi.
Serioiusly J, I mean, how are you suppose to process this? LOL!! Especially when, we as bloggers, aren't suppose to be judgemental.
That's true but sometimes we have to call things as we see them. It's not throwing shade if its the truth. You know?
I guess so, lol!! I guess we could compare this with my post Interview with the Mistress… I think I'm moreso a little disappointed in the arrogance and cockiness behind his answers. There is really no valid explanation, just the fact that he do it because he can.
Yeah that was a great interview by you. You should link it in the comments.Yeah doing something just because one can sometimes can be childish and show a lack on constraint.
Absolutely!!
And I also feel like people take Karma for granted. I have to admit, I can't hate that b!cth either, even when she comes back around to me. LOL!!!
Yeah Karma is ruthless!
LMAO! You should have seen mine during the interview! UNBELIEVABLE!!
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Was that interview conducted in person or over the phone/IM?
It was done on the phone
My recent post Controversy from White America about the LMN Remake of Steel Magnolias
That's cool. Now you have to share your thoughts on his responses. What did you take away from the interview?
I wouldn't have been able to stay composed. I think we would have ended up argueing, LOL!!
LOL! What part would have made you lose your cool?
The comparison of the animals, for starters. I blew steam. And how could you say you are happily married with kids, get what you need at home but you would rather still f@kc around? I don't get it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint. I have had my days of playing men like a chess game. But back then it was all about strategizing and boredom, I was free to do that and wasn't tide by any type of numptials (still doesn't make it ok, but that's my justification for it, lol). I feel that marriage holds a sacredness to it, why get married if you're not going to abide by the oath and follow your vows?
And his attitude towards what would happen if she found it….? OH MY!! here we go again, J…. this is why I have a problem with the "M" word.
I feel Candi. Trust me I do. I agree he seemed quite nonchalant about it.I too feel like marriage should be sacred. Also if you're truly happy why stray? That baffles me.
my problem with his statement is that his justification is that it's the animal nature of man but his pacification is that women do it too. If he was saying that it's human nature to cheat then maybe I could understand where he's coming form but he keeps using this animalistic male-centered metaphors. I just read of a book that proposed that primates live in sexual circles and thus humans should be in sort of small sexual circles. At least that was consistent with it's animal metaphors.
This dude is either a) lying out his butt or b) has no idea how to express himself. Either choice makes him basically an idiot. 40 year old man, married with kids and can't express an idea as central to his life as "Cheating isn't a big deal".
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For the record no i don't think women cheat as much but that's not the interesting question. The interesting question here is WHY women don't cheat as much is it because a) it's not in their nature or b) because they've been programmed not to cheat the way men have been programmed TO cheat. We're all programmed with socially acceptable behaviours. Cheating could be seen as the social extension of Guys are able to date lots of girls and girls are expected to date as few as possible guys. Not saying it's ok but someone could argue that plays a large role in the reality of cheating.
Is is possible for a man to not cheat? This isn't sitting on a bed of nails. This is a fundamental social idea. That means somewhere out there someone is doing it. Believe it or not not all guys cheat, not everyone has sex at prom, not everyone has sex before marriage. Socially these are constructs that TV would tell you everyone fails at. But not everyone. I haven't cheated, I didn't have sex at prom, heck the only reason I'm still not a virgin is because after a few years I honestly didn't see any reason not to with my girlfriend. But socially all we see on TV is that anyone waiting past the third date is being crazy. Believe it or not there ARE priests who don't have sex with children or anyone.Yes it's definitely possible.
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That is a GREAT question!!! I would luv to examine that more.
That's an excellent point. There are too many times when the masses and media try to get people to believe that certain behavior applies to everyone. That is totally false. We all are different.
I've seen arguments about things like underage drinking. Oh I remember Glee. Glee (which admittedly I loved in Season 1) at one point has a "drinking episode" that was So full of fail. It suggested that since a children can't drink neither can adults. It suggested that you literally would be unable to stop a teenager from drinking and it was functionally impossible to expect that a teenager wouldn't drink.
I think that was extremely irresponsible. It's illegal to drink under 21 in the US. Why is that such a hard concept to understand. I know the kids on the show are intentionally stupid but they look at their teacher (who isn't a drunk) like "Why can you drink and we can't?" and the show treats this like its' the most profound question. Instead of suggesting that yes it's possible to wait until you're 21 the show trys to suggest that you need to find adults who can help you control your alcohol problem.
In reality there has to be kids who wait but no show has ever acknowledged that without marking these kids as outcasts and losers.
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Yeah that is madness and clear evidence that media tries to manipulate the minds of the viewers. It's just said they blatantly take aim at the minds of children in such negative ways. It's shameful.
I hear you. I'm not a fan of using 'animal' behavior to excuse 'human' behavior. It always seemed like a cop out.I'm curious, what's the title of the book you were reading?Thanks a lot for reading and sharing your thoughts.
I agree. Using animals to compare to people is generally stupid. I also think comparing modern man to ancient romans is pretty stupid but at least I can appreciate consistency and logic. He breaks under his own logic and that's moronic.
It was a comment someone was making on sexuality. I think it might be Sex as Dawn (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813/ref=pd_ybh_11) and I'm not 100% sure where I read it or Id go back and find it. There were three books and that's the only one in my recent history so either it's that one or it's one i read on GoodReads. One point of the book (based on -the summary i read-) was that swinging started in naval airforce bases and the idea that people were gonna die and wanted their mates looked after yada yada yada.
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Thanks so much for the info. I'll have to look into. I agree that logic must remain consistent. No doubt about that.
This was by far an interesting read. I too, don't think all men cheat.
Without passing judgement I think he found a reason that was good enough for him, to see cheating as acceptable. But women cheat… not all but some do. I don't think its more so just as much as guys. But you know.
My jaw would've been on the floor if I did this interview. I might've bumped head with him, but he makes himself sound like as butt hole (see I didn't cuss).
LOL! I feel you Sunny. I believe cheaters always find something to justify there actions. Unfortunately for them some of the reasonings can be severely flawed.
The person in this interview is someone that I actually know. We were talking…arguing about the situation and I came up with the bright idea to do an interview. He was all for it (male ego) and I went with it. I was mad as HELL but took myself out of the equation for the sake of the interview. I could do a whole series on him alone…there is more to his story. Maybe I will do a Part 2!!
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Please do a PART 2!!!!
YES!!! I co-sign!!
I would love to hear the rest of this story… smh
My thoughts are that he is full of shit but there is WAY more to the story! I can't really go into everything because after the interview and during other conversations, a lot of other stuff came out and I am beginning to understand some of his responses and why he does some of the things he does.
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There's always more. lol
There will be a Part 2…
My recent post Controversy from White America about the LMN Remake of Steel Magnolias
Interesting read. I think the book you guess are referring to is Sex at Dawn by Dr. Chris Evans was on an ep of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour (my fav podcast) very interesting stuff. Didn't really like the way the guy sounds but after 10 years, monogamy can become a thing. I'm a believer in unless you've been in similar situations its very hard to speak about something. (ie people without kids talking about parenting)
That's a good point. I haven't walked in his shoes. I don't know the extent of his circumstances.That's for the info on the book. I appreciate it.
Oh…but let me say, I don't agree with all the animal BS! His family life is a mess and just a teaser….she is cheating, too!
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OH BOY!!!
But how is this beneficial for a marriage?! And I'm referring to both parties.
Ms. Knighten, I'm about to indulge in my self appointed Psych degree questions LMAO!!
What was his childhood like? Hers? I mean, was he the ugly ducking and grew into a beautiful swan? He has to be loaded with money, no? Maybe this marriage was forced upon them, say for instance continuing the family's status or they grew up together or the early pregnancy made them do it? Is there a history of cheaters on both ends? Can we just simply classify this as a Polyamory type relationship? If each of them is doing it, then why is it a secret? Where is the love?! lol
He grew up with both of his parents and were married for many years. He mother has passed on. His wife is from Australia and this is his second marriage. As far as I know, there is no history of cheating. He had some serious health issues a year ago and got through them.
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I hate it when men compare themselves to animals…God made us in His image, to be OVER the animals, and hence better than, more civilized than said animals. Humans are NOT animals in the literal sense. We can reason and do a whole host of things animals cannot. This is the dumbest excuse I hear for cheating.
The bottom line is, if you entered a marriage/relationship with both parties expecting it to be monogamous, then behaving any other way is dishonest and deceptive. Period. To be able to lie to his wife and lay with his wife after eating some hoochie's box is deplorable. His wife obviously loves him and is doing everything she can to please him. I hope he's reading this too! You're a nasty, lying a-hole. Does he ever think about the risk of passing an STD to his wife?? Condoms don't protect against everything. What if he did? Would he feel any remorse then?? Smh…I can't.
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You just WENT IN!!! Thank you so much for the honest and passionate response.I love the point you made about the animal comparison. That makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing that insight.
@ bellatrice 1, I totally understand what you are saying and I agree with you. Remember the point of view in this interview is his own and there are two sides to every story. He may "think" that he loves his wife but he neither loves or respects her or his family. I know that he has cheated through out the years that he was married, now the situation between them is VERY different and he is not the only "cheater" any more…Both of there asses are going to hell!!
My recent post Controversy from White America about the LMN Remake of Steel Magnolias
Yes, I know. It's just that animal argument irks me. I've been hit on by married men who claim to be happy with their wives, and it baffles me. The motto isn't "if it feels good, do it." He's acting like a kid in a candy store. We can't have everything or everyone we want. It's called discipline and respect. If you truly respect someone and love them, you wouldn't risk putting them in harm's way, subjecting them to possible life-threatening infections.
I don't think all men cheat. But, this kind of crap makes me think twice about getting married. If a man can be "happy" and "in love" and still treat his wife this way.
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That's the thing, every man does view marriage and happiness that way. So please don't let this outcome put a sour taste in your mouth about marriage or men. There are plenty of men you know how to love and respect a woman and the commitment of their marriage.
I don't want to believe that all men cheat. I just can't believe that. And dude said at least 98% of them do. Where does he get this reasoning? One man clearly cannot speak for all men. I tip my hat to you for being able to conduct this interview and share it with us, because I don't know if I could have. I was getting mad just reading his responses, so I can imagine how you felt asking the questions. I can't wait to read the 2nd part.
Yeah that irks me when one man or woman tries to let their actions reflect on all men or women. That's so inaccurate.Thank you so much for reading and sharing you feelings.
There is so much BS in this man's reasoning I can't even begin to wade through it all. I hate that he uses animals as analogous to humans. Certainly there are poly amorous animals but there are also hosts of monogamous animals. What about those? Anywho… this man has obviously been taught that his actions are OK. His ideas are hackneyed and absurd.
Also why are we as society starting to make excuses for these people. yes women cheat too, so what? Honestly it doesn't matter what his situation is, it doesn't justify his actions. If he wife was a frigid raging lunatic he still wouldn't be justified in cheating. It doesn't matter if he had a bad childhood, or society is sending the wrong message. He made a commitment to one woman in marriage. That seals the deal. if he didn't want to be committed he should not have gotten married. There's no law in this country that says he had to marry her. It was a choice. He is duplicitous in nature and is rationalizing his bad behavior. He doesn't even seem to be remorseful. These things are not judgements. This is simply laying bare the realities of his own admission.
And another thing, he says he doesn't care if his wife is doing it too. I seriously doubt that. I'm certain that since he's found out that she is cheating on him (if he knows) he has feelings of his own that amount to betrayal and hurt. But because he needs to keep his house of cards standing, he can't say anything about it, or he risks sounding like a hypocrite. nobody wants to be told they are loved exclusively only to find that they are not loved at all. why can't people just be truthful about their limitations and save everyone the pain of these kinds of situations? Why don't we expect the best from others and learn to forgive instead of giving people all sorts of alleys to do their dirt and then just sit back and basically say I knew it?
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Bravo Bran!I'm with you. The focus should not be on give cheaters an escape or a justification for there actions. The focus should be on why these people enter into committed relationships to begin with. If you like to change it up why vow to be with just one person.Great comment. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts with us.
He does not feel remorseful AT ALL. AS far as his wife is concerned, I think that it hurt him, given what the situation was at the time between them but he swears that he is not upset about it because he has done the same thing, too.
Please forgive me if I seem a little vague with my answers. I am trying to hold onto some of the information that I know for the second interview.
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You know what cracks me up?
Men who use the "animals do it" excuse to justify cheating…
…But ask them about homosexuality and it's all "human's weren't made for that". LOL!!!
LOL!!!You are hilarious Amaris!
TK, did you wanna snatch him through the phone?
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She probably did. lol