Today I listened to a co-worker talk about how she has her man trained. She bragged about how her husband works all day then comes home to his second shift where he waits on her hand and foot. She went on to list the chores her man does and the list was quite extensive. As she talked, I thought about how difficult it must be for that man to give so much to such a selfish woman. So I deliberately – I mean errr inadvertently asked, “If your husband does everything for you and the kids, who takes care of him?” She looked at me with this, “O no you di’n’t” expression on her face and ignored my question by pretending to get lost in the conversation that our colleagues were having. I could tell that my question bothered her, and frankly I wanted it to because I wanted her to recognize how selfish she sounded. I wanted to point out that she was showing herself to be a taker who was taking advantage of her man’s kindness.
I don’t know too many men who would pamper their wives daily the way my colleague alleges of her husband. But if I were to come across one I would snatch him up faster than a cat can lick its butt. And I would spend the rest of my life giving to him as much as, or more than, he gave to me. This woman has a hardworking man, who is also skilled domestically and doesn’t mind serving her. Rather than return the favor she sits there, like the queen of the earth, waiting for him to feed her grapes. Ehhhhh, wrong answer!
In my 31 years I’ve learned that if you want to be a man’s Queen, you have to earn the title. Women are not entitled to the Queen-dom merely by virtue of our reproductive organs. You have to put in work: clean the house a few times, cook some meals , massage limbs tense from a hard day’s work, be a listening ear, be a helpmate…perform late night strip teases after the little ones have been put to bed – or whatever, you catch my drift. In a relationship you cannot live in the land of inaction assuming that your man will continue giving his all while getting nothing in return. In fact, nothing in life works that way. Everything worth having requires effort. Heck the Queen of England inherited her throne, but even she has to “do work” to keep her citizens happy, so what makes us peasants any different?
In this age of entitlement and quick fixes, we have produced a generation of takers who have forgotten about work ethic and service. Work ethic doesn’t just apply to our jobs, and service isn’t just about volunteering to help the less fortunate. These ideals apply to the relationships we participate in as well. Maintaining a relationship requires that both parties work together and serve one another. Think about your mate. If you two didn’t make it a point to spend time and work at being happy together your relationship would suffer right? What about at work, if you and your co-workers didn’t communicate and work together would anything get done in your office? If you’ve ever been married, wasn’t it your best friend who served you as Maid of Honor or Best Man at your wedding? So you see, without a mutual desire to work and serve your relationships will likely crumble.
As the fairer sex we often get passes for behaving like my diva of a co-worker, but some things we cannot let slide or it will ruin us. So please ladies don’t be the one bragging about all your man gives to you if you aren’t giving anything to him in return – and I’m talking about giving him a lot more than just sex. It’s not a good look. Being the taker in a relationship sucks, take it from me. Sure I got whatever I wanted from my man, but it made me feel worthless because I didn’t do much to earn what I was given. I believe that as children of God we are designed to love. Loving requires giving of ourselves without the expectation of receiving anything in return. When we do nothing but take we demonstrate the opposite of love, which is the opposite of God and without Him there is no peace – at least not for me.
Mother Teresa, who is not the Queen of England, but certainly royalty in her own rite once said, “If you pray your will have faith. And if you have faith, you will love. And if you love, you will serve. And if you serve you will have peace.” So if you love someone it shouldn’t be a problem to serve them, in fact it should make you feel good to serve them. I will tell you what I did not tell my colleague, for fear of creating a hostile work environment: Love is an action word and it is what life is all about. So get off your ass and give love, don’t just take it – it’s bad for your heart!
Up 4 Discussion…
1) Are you a giver or taker?
2) When you give, do you expect anything in return?
3) When you take, how does it make you feel?
4) Have you ever been taken advantage of in a relationship? If so, what did you do to fix it? If not, what would you do to fix it if you were ever in that situation?