I have recently begun to get closer to my dad. The man whom at times of my life I have despised, felt I wasn’t good enough for, wanted approval from, and wanted to be better than. We are best friends by no stretch of the imagination, but we are much closer than we have ever been and I believe that our closeness is a direct reflection of my attitude changing towards him.
It all began to change when I was having issues with my daughter. I analyze everything so after I had talked to her about the things that I won’t tolerate, she verbalized some of the things that I was feeling that I was never bold enough to say. I had forgotten all about those emotions that I had but in that moment, I knew that I needed to deal with them because they never went away. They were just there so long that I didn’t notice them anymore. I had to start looking at my own situation with my father. I also needed his help in getting through to my daughter.
We talked about a lot that night. My dad is a principled man, not the “harsh person that was hard on me for no reason” that I viewed him as. I didn’t see that, because I was a child and it was beyond my understanding. Just as my daughter doesn’t see the reasoning behind why I do things. It was out of love that my father pushed me to give my best and not what I thought was my best. He wanted me to succeed and be better than he was, and I just thought he was never satisfied. There are so many traits of his that I find myself repeating. Only now, I do it with a smile.
Once our conversation was over, I felt so much better. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I know that the process with he and I is still in a beginning stage but I no longer look at him through a child’s eyes. I view him through the eyes of a young man who needs guidance and that is making all the difference right now.