I’m not a Plus-size Princess locked in an Ivory Tower waiting for a Prince to love the me that won’t change at midnight. I’m just a girl who wants to dance, dance with somebody to a hypnotic beat and then go home—alone and happy.
I’m not PHAT (Pretty, Hot, And, Tempting), not Thick, not Chunky. I’m a girl with weight. I’m also a girl who loves to dance: usually at my desk or while I pretend to clean my house. Sometimes I even take my King of Diamond moves to the club. Take notice the next time you go, if you’re still sober, to see when the big girls are chosen—usually it’s right before last call when the fuel of alcohol and the desperation for late night company creates a potent chemistry.
But what about at the start of the night? When the musk has yet to form and the heels are still comfortable? Why not then, huh? I have three reasons why you should choose the big girl on your first tour, if only for one dance.
Moves like Jagger
Big girls get down on the floor— sometimes literally. Unlike our smaller counterparts we are firm in stance and sure of our center of gravity. This means you can bend us over, dip it low then pick it up slow, twist it, pop it, lock it, all without the fear of one or the both of you falling over. Hell, you could grab onto her at a moment’s notice; she’ll cover your stumble with her rock steady.
Dees Hoes be Actin’ Up
Dudes scout through the club looking for a shorty to wife up for the night. Reaching out hand to her wrist, clutching biceps in hopes she doesn’t shake you off, shrugging as she laughs in your face. Big girls go to the club to have fun, to audition for the latest Wale video, and to get in a good workout. We realize that the club is not an equitable marketplace to meet a man. Men are primarily visual creatures: if all the women look like Beyoncé and you’re Jill Scott, they will unfailingly gravitate toward Beyoncé. There’s no way that the big girls’ personality and charm will shine in a smoke-filled, dimly lit, music dense club. Don’t mistake, she still takes pride in her appearance, but there’s a low ROI expected for the effort she puts in. So there’s no need to worry that if you stop to dance she’s gonna stalk you the rest of the night. Be the ship passing in the night, respectfully docking at her port for a brief repose.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Think of the club as a decathlon match. There are potentially 10 high scoring women at the club that you wish to approach. Are you going to approach the first event without a warm-up? I think not! That’s a sure-fire way to embarrass yourself with a… umm… false start, so to speak. You need to loosen those limbs and ah, ease the tension before you approach your conquest. Then why wouldn’t you dance with the big girl dancing off to the side, jamming to every song? She’s waiting for that opportunity to dirty wind, letting these dudes know she got moves. You need a way to calm your nerves. Match made in 5-minute heaven! Approach her real smooth like “Hey Ma let me see what dat booty do”. She’ll giggle because you noticed her in the den of desire. The rest is fantasy like a Rick Ross rap.
Shake off that forlorn club vibe, the stench of urgency for those on the prowl: everyone in search of a happy meal and a happy ending. Sometimes you need to supersize your order to get that sated feeling. Oh just try it, I dare you. Thank me later. *taps the mic* It’s Friday, Juicy J’s gon poke it like wet paint.
Up 4 Discussion…
TGIF, right? Or is it YOLO-It’s Friday? Idk… Do you still go to the club?
How do you feel when a dude approaches you?
What’s your club etiquette?
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