Are you allergic to monogamy? I am about to confess something I have never revealed aloud. I am allergic to monogamy. I do not know how to be faithful. It is not in my genetic makeup. Boyfriend #2 is always patiently waiting on me. I can never fully commit to anyone. I am true to no one but I am trying to be true to my star player, ME! Believe it or not, this is hard for me to reveal. As I write this I keep hesitating to write more. I am not the good girl people think I am. They put me on this pedestal but my flaws knock me right on off. I detest the question, ‘Why are you single?’ and don’t dare ask me, ‘Why aren’t you married yet?’ I cannot be faithful, and the more I think about it the less I want it to be true. I have no real desire to be committed to any one man. I have loved before, been true and got burnt badly. I refuse to put all of my eggs in one basket. I was on the brink of a breakdown and I never want to be hurt like that again. I never want to give my all to any man, unless that man is God, for I know an Earthly man will fail me.
I do not have enough faith in any man. I feel like I should stop writing before this is too candid for most ears. And I know the word ‘ho’ is floating around somewhere up in here. So call me names if you must, but this is a hard fact I have to face. Monogamy makes me itch. I never want to commit or tell a man I will commit, for I know cheating is second nature to me. I am never detected or suspected of it. The way my blurry eyes see it, any man I deal with is unfaithful so there is no point in me wasting my time on being true. I am not tacky or crass, so I will do my dirt elsewhere, for getting caught is too dangerous. I am currently single, no real surprise there, and I am trying to try on monogamy but it itches too much. I am definitely allergic; somebody get me a damn EpiPen because this shit is going to kill me.
Going on this dating hiatus has me doing some serious introspection. I am being honest about every damn thing. A woman admitting she is a cheater might as well tie a noose around her neck and kick the shit out of the chair under her. It is marriage suicide. I know some wise ass wants to say “You can’t turn a hoe, into a housewife.” The jury is still out on that one. Anyway moving on…How do I combat this illness? I was raised very strict and was terrified of sex with one man let alone with two. When did my inhibitions dissipate? Why can’t I be a damn good girl like everyone thinks I am? I cannot tell you how many times I have been baffled by men who are so smitten by me. I am like, I just want to get my groove on and bounce, stop trying to get serious. When commitment is brought up I break into hives. I know who I am and I need serious help. This shit is a serious struggle. I always have a boyfriend #2 because boyfriend #1 is not enough for me and he can never satiate all my needs. He could try but it wouldn’t work. It’s a low down dirty shame. Sad part of it is if I were a man admitting this it would be cool. But I am a woman and all I can do is shake my head in disgust.
I am saying this unabashed. I am not faithful. Finally, and hell no you can’t cure me, trust I have tried. It drives me nuts. The one time I was faithful it drove me nuts. I only lasted three months. I got rid of him pronto. He was crazy anyway. I digress. Monogamy makes me itch. The mere thought reddens my face and my throat begins to close. I am not being dramatic I am dead serious. Monogamy makes me itch.
Up 4 Discussion…
1) Are you a woman that is allergic to monogamy?
2) How can women, and men, battle against the struggle to stay monogamous?
3) How would you respond if this post was written by a man?
Share your thoughts below.
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