November 1st, 2012 
Up4Dsn 
I have been natural for almost seven years now.. AGAIN. I was raised without a relaxer and getting my hair pressed in high school. I was a cheerleader and my hair would always sweat out and would never move the way my counterparts hair moved in the wind, because it was full of pressing grease. After begging and begging and more begging, my grandmother agreed to let me get a relaxer .
My hair was never the same.
It wasn’t growing the way it was prior to the relaxer, but oh it sure was moving in the wind and it was moving right on out of my scalp when combed. I regretted getting a relaxer, but I COULD NOT let my granny know at the time that she was correct. I was in the “good hair” crowd, because my hair was not curling up anymore when I got rained on during games.. It was still straight…stringy, but straight. I started experimenting with hair color and my hair was still falling right on out; but being the low self-esteem young teen I was, I ignored it and kept saying well it will grow back.
When I went to college, I cut all my hair off to the 2004 “Fantasia” cut, because it was falling out anyway. I loved that style but grew it out…and got tired of getting my scalp severely burned every time I had to get a “touch up”. Before you ask, “well were you doing it right?” I was going to the hair salon and I talked to my aunt, who had been natural for as long as I could remember, and asked her what to do. She suggested that I get braids and let my hair grow out. The next day I went to my hair stylist and simply said, cut it off.
When I first went natural in January of 2006, I cut all my hair off and had a fade. I liked my small fro, my unruly tightly coiled hair, I really did! Until…
I let others’ comments get to me. Comments like:
“Ugh, why did you cut allllll of your hair off?”
“Wellllll, you were way prettier with straight hair.”
“You should put another relaxer in your hair so it can be longer.”
“Well, why is your hair so nappy?”
“You ain’t gonna never get nobody with that head full of nappy hair!”
“Just look at this girl, hey you nappy child.”
So I got really self- conscious and started to let it mess with my thoughts about myself. I started thinking, well they are correct. I was prettier with straight hair. Feeling defeated and ugly…on my birthday October 2006, I got a relaxer.
The newness of the relaxer lasted all of 24 hours before I started regretting getting another relaxer and letting others comments decide for me how I felt about myself and my hair. I wrote a pact to myself at that time that, never again would I let the insecurities and comments of someone else define who I am and what I do to myself. I also did not get another relaxer and grew my hair out this time, which is called transitioning. I was patient with my two different textures of hair for about seven months, during which my hair grew tremendously. But I wanted all of the straight pieces gone, so I did the ‘big chop”. Ever since that mishap with my self-esteem, I have not been worried nor cared what others think about me.
I work in a more conservative environment and for the first three months I was self- conscious of wearing my hair out. I work predominantly with men, who are my clients, and I did/do not like the stares that they give me. However, I can only be me, so slowly but surely I started wearing my hair out all the way. While the women I work with (co-workers) love it, my clients HATE it. BINGO. If I would have known that wearing my hair out would make the stares and attention go away, I would have started off with my hair out.
I do not let anyone tell me how I should look or what I should do to my hair. That’s no one’s decision and if my self-esteem was still low, I would always think twice about what I do.
Up 4 Discussion…
1) How is your self-esteem?
2) Are you letting others, who are not comfortable with themselves, dictate how you feel about yourself? If so, why?
If so, STOP… STOP NOW.
Related articles
Javania is on a mission and refuses to be defined by her past. Her passion is to help others free themselves from the chains that bind them, while steering them on a path of wholeness.
Having overcome a childhood filled with molestation, and enduring the loss of her mother at 16, Javania knows first hand the dark prison of suicidal thoughts stemming from the sense of helplessness, accompanied by low self-esteem.
Her motto: “Empowering Through Experience”
| Get FREE Up4Dsn Email Updates! |
Follow us! 
|
Posted in 
Tags: 
Let me just say, I'm glad you came back to the natural side. I've been natural for almost two years and after making the big from lots of bad hair to less hair than my brother I heard all of the same comments. And I must agree with you, natural hair is a display of high self-esteem. It takes a lot to walk out of the house daily with a head full of "nappy hair" when society is begging you to have long, straight hair that you bought in a store.
Like I always say, I'm happy when it's nappy lol!!!
I'm curious, what prompted you to begin wearing your hair natural?
I feel like since we talked about this on twitter answering this question will make seem redundant in your eyes but since you asked….lol
I was losing my hair anyway so i made the big chop… i decided to remain natural a few months into the re-growing process. Time was on my side I guess, because i needed the push and well I got it.
I agree, when I was younger I didn't have the confidence and didn't completely understand what i meant to have self-esteem… I just wanted to fit in. I love my hair now and will challenge anyone who tries to challenge me about it. Thank you for reading!
**My comment assumes that you mean wearing your natural hair to mean unstraightened**
As someone who basically came out of the womb with a perm (my mom slapped one in my head at the age of 3 lol), I think that for you, wearing your natural hair was a display of high self-esteem, but I don't think generally speaking it is. Even with a perm, I had long hair healthy hair. I grew to associate myself with long hair, and always felt I looked best that way. I grew my perm out at age 24 because I wanted to know what my real hair looked and felt like, not because I felt any particular way about it. I have never turned back, but I do straighten my hair more often than not. I tried to find products that made my hair more manageable in its natural state, but to no avail. Also, if you still want to have longer hair, maintaining your curly/kinky hair is time-consuming and cumbersome.
Also, with all the ladies going natural and wearing their hair bald these days, wearing your natural hair isn't really a display of high self-esteem anymore. Some people just look cuter that way, and it works for them or it's simply a fad.
Congrats though for taking a stand against all the naysayers and wearing your hair the way YOU want to wear it, and not letting others dictate your choices.
Nevertheless
My recent post Zoe Saldana is Nina Simone
My thoughts EXACTLY!! I think that tying self-esteem to any particular hair style or outward preference is dangerous. I applaud the author for being so open about her journey and the fact that her natural hair journey was physical manifestation of her journey to build and solidify her self-esteem. However, self-esteem should not be attached to how you look. How you look may be an extension of your self-esteem but a measurement of it. We need to be proud of our character, of our passions, and actions regardless of how people feel about our looks.
"We need to be proud of our character, of our passions, and actions regardless of how people feel about our looks."
I agree with that statement. I also think as long as we don't let certain aspects of our lives or appearance dictate our self-esteem or love for ourselves then it's healthy to gain happiness from those things.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us.
If we decided to play the numbers game, what percentage of people who wear their hair natural do you think do it as a reflection of high self-esteem and what percentage wears it just because it is a cute look?
I think because it's "cool" now, only about 20% of naturalistas wear their hair natural as an expression of their cultural pride and esteem.
Like the gentleman above said, self-esteem should not be attached to how you wear your hair or how you like. I don't think wearing my hair natural means I have any more self-esteem than the next woman. There are so many factors that go into how women wear their hair – appropriateness, manageability, how it looks, health issues (some people lose their hair due to cancer, alopecia, etc.) and many more. My point is, I would never walk down the street and see a woman with her in its natural state and think she has high self-esteem. I don't associate hairstyles with self-esteem.
My recent post Answers to Your Common Dating Questions
That makes sense. I agree that the root of a person's self-esteem should be a lot deeper.
Good display of transitioning. Not only from the state of being "relaxed" to being "kinky" (I know how that sounded, lol) but becoming mentally stable with your outward appearance. It's amazing (and sad) how something so minor can have us women so emotionally overwhelmed.
I have locks and I honestly didn't get the uproar that everyone else receives when doing the "big chop" or growing my fro to twisting up. For fear of listening to everyone's "not needed" comments, I can admit that it did take me a long time to get to a point where I would be comfortable with just simply disregarding how people felt about what I decided to do with shit that belongs to ME, lol! I wanted locks for years. I thought they were the most beautiful-est thing in the world, but everyone was so use to black barbie with the permed "good hair" down her back. I got over it. And so did they.
I've been natural since Jan 11 and after going through the transition and figuring out what products worked for me, I was etremely happy with my decision. I'd contemplated it since 09 as a result of the adverse effects the medicine I was on was having on my hair, but never went through with it. Enough was enough when my then dry, brittle broke off so severely, I realized I HAD to do something. Since being natural, I've gotten so many compliments and men flirt mercilessly with me; moreso than when had a relaxer. I finally asked a couple guys about their flirting and they said, they saw me as low-maintenance, confident, secure, and content in my own skin. I was blown away. While I don't care what others think and I subscribe to my OWN sense of beauty, I know there was a short period where I doubted myself, but when you've got friends/family that support you regardless of what you're hair looks like, that's all you need to feel good about yourself.
Btw, you are beautiful and you rock!
My recent post Wordless Wednesday…