After a 7 month hiatus from dating I find myself in a quandary. I’ve been committed to focusing on myself and dedicating my full focus to building my career when “he” came. This “he” has shook up my calendar and set my clock into overdrive and it’s making my rather scheduled life topsy-turvy. It’s new. It’s different. But this weekend when he dropped the “L” bomb with a declaration of “I could fall in love with you” , I wanted to have an “accident” and lose the call. After reflecting on my aversion to the “new boo’s” proclamation I had several questions: How soon is too soon? Should love have a time limit? Am I wrong to be cautious?
Often women are berated with dismal statistics about the probability of us living the single life forever. After hearing the “marriages do not last…you should focus on your career” speeches given to us by everyone in the media and some bitter family members, its no wonder that declarations of love and commitment have some of us on edge. The gender role switch is definitely a real phenomenon. I realized that the minute my ex fiance and I reached for the tissue box at the same time after watching my favorite sitcom at the time – Sex in the City – but that’s another story.
I voiced my concerns to “Mr. Romance” and he launched into a dissertation about how my reasoning was faulty and I was in danger of letting a “good thing” pass me by because I wasn’t willing to leap all in and see what happens. He then went into his “exes that did me wrong” history. I have to say some of the tales were quite gruesome and grimy. I definitely couldn’t be all “zen” if any of those things had occurred in my life. In fact, I felt fortunate that most of my mishaps in the dating arena were ironically comical. I started to question whether “Mr. Romantic” had a point. Everyone has been burned at one point or another, that shouldn’t be a deterrent to us actively pursuing love. However, I think some level of caution and selectivity is wise to avoid repeating past mistakes.
Men have a way of
stalking persuading you out of your skepticism and into their arms. It’s a verbal/mental power play and wordsmiths are given edge over other men vying for your attention. However, I encourage my sisters not to be duped by the flashy words and gorgeous teeth. If your gut is telling you to pump the brakes, then DON’T override it. After much deliberation I came to the conclusion that there was no reason for us to rush – especially on the cusp of “Cuffing Season”. My lady intuition was correct, “Mr. Romance” quickly moved on to someone who would give him the title and the ‘cookies.’ Apparently, exclusive interest was a priority. He cast a wide net in hope and anticipation of a catch from any direction. While I’m sure not all men are on a “woman hunt” and there are many men who’d argue that its the women on the prowl, I’m convinced that long lasting relationships in any arena are built over time. So, what’s the rush?
Up 4 Discussion…
1) What do you think?
2) Should you jump into new relationships head first with no inhibitions?
3) Should you guard your heart or is that a set up for permanent singlehood?