August 2nd, 2012 
Up4Dsn 
Growing up, looks weren’t that important. Yes they do play an interesting factor in social experiences, but I kind of believe that’s only true if you’re accepted into an arena where you’re judged on your looks. I was part of a different crowd, the nerds. No one ever used “beauty” adjectives to describe me. I was the smart girl, the brainiac, the prodigy. In those formative years of high school when ducklings become swans, I still hadn’t hit puberty. By the time I went to college, on the eve of my sixteenth birthday, I was beginning to learn that looks were a factor but I was too busy trying to overachieve and work three jobs to care.
After I finished college and started to become self involved I looked to my model cousin, TC, to help me figure out how to be one of the pretty girls surrounding me. To give you a glimpse of the sensei vs the grasshopper I used my cousin’s headshot as the promo picture for today’s post. These were portfolio pictures taken when she modeled for a clothing line in Japan. Thankfully we are very close, so she indulges my tendency to put her on a pedestal. I won’t lament on my beauty lot in life, because I’m convinced that I’m attractive, but I will say this: all the women in my family are similarly stunning. If I weren’t so charming myself, I’d have a complex lol.
Being best friends with a model taught me three key things about pretty girls. Aside from the fact that they live in their own world with their own set of rules, they are also allotted a few privileges that surprised my average self. Along with that are a few drawbacks which I’ll also explore.
Life is Better when it’s Free: I remember NYE in Las Vegas, TC and I were dancing on the main floor having a good time. Somehow we ended up in front of the VIP section when this man reaches out and grabs her wrist. He then says, “come dance up here”. He meant her alone, but of course I tagged along. He brings out all these bottles of Cristal and says “Drink up; you can stay here as long as you like”. It was like a scene from a music video; bottles popping everywhere, men just watching her dance, envious looks from the patrons on the other side of the velvet rope. I wasn’t ready, but the party went on as if no one’s world was affected.
+ The Plus Side is that based on your looks alone you’re designated certain treatments. Men are more than willing to shell out the cash to make you feel special.
- The Negative is that men also feel some type of entitlement to your person if you accept their offerings. Many a time I’ve had to step in when a man got too grabby or too possessive. It becomes more trouble than it’s worth to accept the carrot if you also have to worry about eating the string.
Character when Convenient: Maybe it’s too many Cary Grant movies, but I believe a gentleman is a gentleman no matter the circumstances, because it’s a character trait. Courtesies shouldn’t be doled out simply to impress the opposite sex. There was a story on Twitter about a guy who had an umbrella during a rainstorm and watched as a woman stood soaking wet next to him because she forgot her own. He asked the typical Twitterpoll as to what he should have done: offer the umbrella or let her sit and soak? I was blown away by the mass replies (from women and men alike) that he should only offer the umbrella to her if she’s pretty. This is where I habitually fail with dudes: I think they are being nice because they are nice people, not because there is a latent intent behind the nice action. Even worse it’s become a practice and expectation: hold the door open because I’m pretty; help me with my bags because I’m pretty; save the damsel because I’m pretty.
+ The Plus Side is that a woman rarely has to pull out her self sufficient card since there will always be some man willing to do for her.
- The Negative Side is this distorted view of ‘being a man’. As if the only reason to do the right thing is when there is an incentive tied to the act, thus you avoid looking like a simp because you can say “She was fine d’oh”. Actions are now dictated and explained away by social acceptance.
Let me Clear my Throat: There’s always a place for beautiful women and women vying to earn their spot at the top. Even worse, as a society we let them get away with highway robbery, in daylight, with the cops as their accomplice. Think of the classic beauty Marilyn Monroe, if you’ve ever seen the movie My Week with Marilyn (or read about her) you’ll understand my point. She’s been dead almost 50 years and we still make odes to her life. She was allowed to say what she pleased, and it became charming. She wore what she wanted, and it became fashionable. She slept with or married whomever she found irresistible, and still men clamored for her attention and favor. Women want to be like her without even knowing what that means. It’s the idea that to be beautiful is to be an icon, and thus set apart from the masses. Once there, the world is truly yours for the taking.
+ The Plus Side is that a woman has arrived. She’s reached a level where her pretty is now a landmark to compare/contrast other women. And then you can show the world that you’re more than just a pretty face.
- The Negative Side is that now everything comes back to a woman’s beauty. Gabby Douglas helped the USA woman’s gymnastics team win a gold medal, the first time since 1996. All people could talk about was her hair. She performed under immense pressure, flipped in the air fifty’levn times in an amazing bout of athleticism but her hair was the main point of contention. Sometimes it’s not about the pretty.
Every day I wake debating whether I care about my looks. Do I really want to put on makeup? Do I even feel like doing my hair? Should I wear Spanxx to hide that one roll that won’t go away? It all boils down to who I’m going to see that day. Most days require a little extra pretty, other days I can deal with normal pretty. Best believe I see the difference.
Up 4 Discussion…
Readers:
What do you think? Is there such a thing as a pretty girl privilege? Do you think as a society we take the pretty too far?
Women:
Do you notice a difference in the way you’re treated when you feel extra pretty?
Men:
Do you dish out your manners only when it’s convenient?
*taps the mic, this was a long post*.
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F. Scott Fitzgerald quipped ‘You dont write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.’
Whether on this site or on her personal blog ‘The Soundtrack of My Life’, there are never enough words to capture her essence. Her aim is to exhaust all of the words in the English language, and then invent new ones because writing is her passion. Sometimes funny, sometimes reflective, always honest; it’s a fresh take on common issues.
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I dish out my manners when needed. Sometimes my mind is so far that I don't realise people are around so it may seem as if I'm unmannerly. Of course pretty girl privilege exists and everyone knows it
I didn't realize those privilegeswere common practice, until I got older… Love to hear how you dish out the privileges…
My recent post Thinkin Bout You
Hey Petersburgh! Thank you so much for stopping by the site and sharing your thoughts on this topic. It means a lot!
I also appreciate your honesty. No reason to sugarcoat things for the ladies.
1. You KNOW I don't read blogs.
2. This was awesome!
3. My LIFE is filled with pretty girl privilege and I love it. I notice a treatment difference not based on whether or not I "feel" pretty, but on whether or not I "act" pretty. Whether its a perfectly fitted sun dress and a bad pair of open toe pumps, or my oversized men's sweats with a hoodie and NO eyebrows drawn on…if I walk around looking at men like "don't you see this door in front of me?" they respond.
I would like to thank you so much for taking the time to not only read this blog, but comment too. Thanks so much for that Nikki!
That's a very interesting perspective when it comes to the pretty girl privileges. It's not in the feelings, but the actions! I can dig it. I'm curious, how long did it take to you figure out that one was more effective than the other?
Great article! I have definitely had my share of pretty girl privilege. Interestingly enough, it comes from both men and women. I'm 31 years old and even when I meet old friends or co-workers of my mother and father, I still get, "Oh, she's so pretty" I actually find that kind of odd. I've also gotten attention and extra kind treatment from gay men. I used to work in the HIV/STI prevention field and I worked on a research study with men who have sex with men and was told more than once that even though they didn't want to have sex with me, they can recognize a fine woman when they see one. Go figure. LOL. One last thing I find interesting is that many times when I'm feeling extra pretty, I get no attention, but when I'm feeling unattractive, I'm turning heads all day. Now THAT I don't get. Any insight fellas??
There's something about being pretty that makes people stand at attention. And I think you're right about that just walk out the house look vs. I spent the morning getting ready look. I usually have someone ask my out when I didn't really care about my appearance. Such an interesting dynamic.
My recent post Thinkin Bout You
Great question!
I would say that the men can feel your vybe. When you're feeling 'extra pretty' they may sense that you are too full of yourself or out of their league. When you aren't feeling the hottest maybe they see past the exterior and feel your positive inner vybe. That's just my guess though.
I shared my 1sthand experience with Just about PGP. But I think in general, extremely attractive women are used to things being handed to them and life being easy. Very seldom though, do they ask for it. Case in point, your cousin was invited up to VIP, she didn't demand some random guy to treat her to it. Also, when you see an adorable little girl, you don't hear her parents gush about how smart she is or how gifted she'll be. No, they shower her w/ compliments that surround her looks and the propensity of her attractiveness as she gets older.
Personally, I see all women in the same vein, unless I'm interested in them. I'm chivalrous to all women because it's the right thing to do. But I've never specifically gone out of my way simply because shorty was extremely attractive. Then again, I grew up in South FL where out a room of 25 women, 19 are ridiculously fine. Soooo yeah LOL
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Yea my cousin is unique in that she doesn't demand anyone show her attention, but she gets it anyway. And you're right we never tell little girls how smart or kind or able they are unless we think they're homely. I always knew I was a pretty kid but I made a point that people would think I was smart or charming instead of just pretty, mainly because I was a tomboy who tagged along with her older brother.
Do you think being surrounded by pretty women your whole life gives you more of an appreciation for women or you expect more women to be attractive? Just curious…
My recent post Thinkin Bout You
Better late than never! Yes, I definitely feel like I appreciate the subtle nuances of a woman now than I did a decade ago. For me, being pretty just isn't enough because I know how accessible that is. Plus it's like having a part time job. They usually require constant upkeep and pampering. True that's all well and good when you're young and living it up. You care more about your image and the opinions of your peers. But I think as men get older and mature, our definition of pretty changes a little (even though we swear up and down, we all baggin Rosa Acostas LOL) and we come to expect more out of a woman
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Hey jwoodny! Thanks so much for reading this post and sharing your personal insight.
You're right about pretty women being accustom to certain treatment. Like you stated, it starts at a young age and usually progresses.
I've never gone out of my way to show extra favor to an extremely attractive woman either. I just never felt she was more special because of the way she looked. A woman is a woman and she gets my respect and courtesy if she deserves it.
Very interesting post, as usual. I do believe that men treat me different when I am "dolled up". I agree that a man should be courteous and polite not because a woman is attractive, but just because that is his genuine character.
I have always been referred to as beautiful and striking, but I never saw myself that way. I have frequently asked myself, when people are staring, what is wrong. Why are they looking at me like something is wrong. It never occurred to me that they were staring because I was pretty. My self-esteem changed with growth and maturity, but I still want to be recognized for my intelligence, as well as my beauty. Continue the wonderful and interesting post that you contribute to this site. I thank you and Up4Discussion. Keep striving for the truth.
No doubt. Physical attraction should not dictate a person's action, that goes for men and women. Sadly, that's not the case because of the type of society we live in. We are very visual and base things and people off of appearance. As a result, certain people receive privileges that others don't.
Thanks a lot for the insightful comment Destiny!
I could write a book on the stuff Beauty buy's. Sometimes it's fantastic (clothes, trips, food, etc) Sometimes it's regretful (hate from other women, possessive men). But trust me, the pro's definitely outweigh the cons.
Beauty is a currency that may be just as valuable as money. And in this economy, maybe even more so.
I may have to elaborate about this on my blog.
My recent post Is Your Hair Brazilian? Probably Not. And You May Be Surprised To Find Out What Is Really Is.
Please elaborate and send me the link to that blog when you do. Thank you so much for swinging by the site and sharing your insight.
It sucks but its so true, and its not just for girls, good looking men get so many more passes than "booga-wolfs"
Look at relationships, a man/woman will justify staying in an empty relationship because the person "looks good" Arm piece relationships are staples of high society.
Being a club photographer I used to observe how beautiful women were treated compared to average looking women. Promoters would allow them to enter into venues first or at discount prices. They could get away with breaking dresscode and bartenders would stop what they were doing to help them.
and ill admit my own contribution to the issue; cute girls were always easier to photograph, they seemed to have better poses and were more appealing to the camera (which the promoter was going for) The average girls seemed awkward and usually ran from the camera.
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Yo! I appreciate you adding that perspective Q. There's no doubt pretty women get plenty of luv. Someone should elaborate on the privileges men gain as a result of good looks. That would be a very interesting post.
That privilege is the reason I'm turned off by women like that. I want a woman of character who is stimulating intellectually and otherwise.
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I hear that. I don't mind a woman who is aware of her beauty. I just think its unattractive to use your beauty to get through life.