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Random 7 w/ Rae

January 7th, 2012

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Random 7 w/ Rae

1) Who are three people of the opposite sex that you consider the most attractive?
Forest Whitaker – smart, unusual sex appeal and has a mean look. He appears brilliant. Quirky and looks like he can tell you to have a seat and well, you’ll have a seat.

Chiwetel Ojiofor – I just adore his acting skills and roles he chooses. Brilliant. The British accent doesn’t hurt.

Don Cheadle – a chameleon of sorts. Also a thinker and seemingly brilliant.

Honorable mentions: Braylon Edwards, Michael Ealy, Justin Tuck, Hugh Jackman, Dwayne Johnson, Jose James, Idris Elba.

2) If you could clone yourself, would you do it? Why or why not?
No. My other super powers conflict with cloning. Too much awesomeness in too many places. Who can handle all that? You ask what superpowers I have? That’s another post. Besides, clones can’t be controlled. Has anyone watched Battlestar Gallactica? Clones may not be as kind or awesome as I work to be. One of me roaming the world is really enough.

3) What are 5 articles of clothing you hate to see a man wearing and why?
I’m pretty open to how men choose to adorn themselves. I like all kinds of styles. I love the thugs, the avant garde, the brothers in suits, the ballers, the uniform wearers, men who have a certain flair and style, men who are artsy, the rastas. So, 18-80 and well-groomed is key. I am an avid fan of the male species. Avid. I love good haberdashery. That being said I am not a fan of:

- Sagging pants – why are you showing me the indent of your arse? I’m not feeling it. I see beauty in many things, but not this trend. Not to mention, can those fitted boxers be clean at least? I can’t.

- Men who stuff themselves into clothes that don’t fit – there are way too many examples of this to mention, so as not to offend anyone, I won’t mention the not-so-innocent. I don’t care how you have chosen to adorn yourself. Your clothes should fit. Your body – not the body you want, not the body you plan to have in late 2012, not the one you had back in your early college days. The body you have right now.

- Run over shoes. I don’t care if they’re from Payless or you’re rocking the latest Prada, Gucci or Gianfranco Ferre, Johnston & Murphy, Nike or rain boot. I could care less. Just have it together. I would much rather he have two pairs of good shoes than seven pairs of run over shoes.

- Suits that are not the classic cuts. I don’t like seeing a man with a suit jacket that comes down to his knees – even if it’s tailored. Although I appreciate the effort, when it comes down to suits, I believe in classic cuts.

- The matching linen or short sets. I may be old school in some ways, but I would rather he end up in linen pants with a shirt that is different.

4) Have there been any friendships/relationships that you knew weren’t beneficial for you and you needed to end them? If so, why did the friendship/relationship have to come to an end and did you ultimately put an end to it?
Yes, there have been one or two friends I had to dismiss. The first, lied, stole and stole some more. And being someone who I believed was my friend, I don’t think I wanted to believe all of the mayhem and foolishness she was up to. She had absolutely no remorse for it. I was young, too trusting and exceptionally green. The next – he betrayed my confidence. I trusted him and confided in him when I was going through things. He was a town crier and re-told all those stories to people we knew. When I found out, I immediately stopped speaking with him.    Both of those situations and the romantic relationships I’ve had over the last ten years have been such a blessing to me because it taught me so much about people, about myself. I count it all joy. Also, I had to learn the difference between confidantes, constituents and comrades. See TD Jakes talk about it here:

5) Would you pose nude for playboy if they offered you $1,000,000? Why or why not?
Yes, I’d definitely do it. I am plus size (size 18) and I think my body is a nice body (it’s mine) but it would be groundbreaking. My father would probably have a fit, but a million goes a long way. I’d like to think I’d be a pioneer of sorts in this case. A big yellow girl with an afro in Playboy! It could cause both a lot of controversy and a lot of discussion. Seeing as how I tend to be a natural trouble maker, maybe this would be right up my alley. The “rubenesque woman” – we’ve always been in style, so might as well flaunt it if you got it!

6) What is a tragedy you endured and grew stronger from? Explain.
Fortunately, no major tragedies to date. Or at least what I consider tragedy. A few bouts of devastation. Maybe a few disasters and some minor crises. I’ve been blessed in this way. All of the things that have happened let me know I’m made of good stuff! It also has let me know my weak points and the things I need to work on as a person.   “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

7) If your life was ending in the next five minutes, what would be ONE final positive impact you would want to leave on the world?
I read this and had to step away from it for a while (couple of days). I thought of one answer that comes to mind. Count of Monte Cristo – where the priest is dying. Edmond Dantes is receiving instructions from the priest on how to find this hidden treasure. The priest gives him the instructions and then tells Edward not to seek vengeance on his enemies who put him in prison. Edmond, tells him he’s still going to seek vengeance. Then the priest says “Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.” Dantes replies, “But I don’t believe in God.” On his dying breath, the priest says “but He believes in You.”   Long winded, but that God loves us. Believe in Him and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Serve others and live your life unapologetically with no regrets.

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Random 7 w/ Moet with Medusa

December 21st, 2011

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Random 7 w/ Moet with Medusa

What are 5 things that would change your life completely if they were removed from it? Explain.
The five methods of perception: Sight, Sound, Smell, Touch and Sense.

I can’t imagine living without:

Sense: Imagination, understanding, sentimentality, perception.

Touch: The dimensions of a woman’s body, soft fabrics, kinetic energy

Sound: Aretha Franklin, soft rain, accents, joyous laughter.

Smell: Raspberry and vanilla, grandma’s chili, fresh linen.

Sight: Movies, colors, bodies in motion, life happening.

If you could be in a relationship with one of your ex’s, would you want to? Why or why not?
Honestly, no. My exes are my exes for one reason or a thousand. However, I do appreciate the time I spent with them because each relationship contributed to my growth. Call me old fashioned or delusional, but I believe if a relationship is meant to work it will, if it ends it is supposed to. You take the lesson(s) that that person came into your life to teach you and move on to the next chapter in your book of life.

What is something you would be willing to fight to the death for? Explain.
I can’t give one answer to this question because I’d fight to the death for a few things:

A child being harmed or abused, a woman being attacked or abused, I’d fight to the death for the safety of my family and lastly, my right to exist as a free thinking, passionate and creative person. Don’t try to take away my right to be me. F*** your social and historical boxes, they don’t fit me. I love living and continuing to strive to be the man God intended me to be and I’ll fight hard body to continue to do so.

Would you get someone’s name tatted on you or has anyone ever gotten or considered getting your name tatted on them?
Been there, done that. I got my exes named tattooed on my right bicep as a declaration of commitment, that’s why I did it at the time, but age and experience has taught me that it was an action of youthful ignorance. Guess what? We broke up shortly after I did it. I had that woman’s name on my arm for years and I just had it covered just a few months ago. Fortunately, I met some very understanding women in my post “girl name tattooed on my arm “dating life. Lesson learned: Never get another person’s name that is not a biological family member carved into your skin.

List at least 5 categories or types of women you would never date. Also, explain why you would never date them.
1)Unimaginative: I am turned off by lack of imagination. I need to be inspired by the people I spend time with; the paths need to be intertwined. Show me colors that I’ve never seen before. Hip me to notes in a song that I’ve never heard before. Show me there is beauty is in the hideous.

2)Self-dishonesty: I can’t date a woman whose fears and insecurities won’t permit her to keep it real. Self-responsibility is critical. If she’s dishonest with herself, she’ll definitely lie to me.

3)Spiritually and/or morally bankrupt: Self-unaware, dishonest, deceitful, and unscrupulous without remorse, Nah. You are who you draw to you. If I’m dating a woman like this, it says a lot about me and it’s a negative and pain filled dialogue.

4)Impolite: Good manners are a must. If you are rude and discourteous, kick rocks.

5)Addictive personalities: (Alcohol, drugs, shopping, co-dependency, etc.) If a woman continuously and impulsively lives outside of her-self and depends on some form of substance and/or activity that negatively impacts her life, this is not the woman for me.

If you had the opportunity to erase any memory that you have, which memory would you erase and why?
No Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind for me. I treasure my memories, even the bad ones; those things happened for a reason. Sure, I can pick any difficult time in my life for cerebral deletion, but I wouldn’t be any better for doing that. I need certain memories to either not make that mistake again or to reassure myself that time heals all wounds and I can make it despite the storm. Hell, I get pissed when I can’t remember something. There are certain moments of my childhood that I wish I could remember. Memories are proof that I’m alive and I’ve been living, a mental map of existence for the good, the bad and the indifferent.

If your life was ending in the next five minutes, what would be ONE final positive impact you would want to leave on the world?
All I could hope for is that I am outlived by my example, that I positively touched the lives of the people that I’ve come across on my journey and that each time we were together no matter how short or long, they left the meeting gifted with something that made them feel good, whether that was a smile, a kind word, some time, some understanding etc.

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Random 7 w/ Javania

December 15th, 2011

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Random 7 w/ Javania

Have you ever fallen in love and out of love? If so, what lessons did you learn from the experience?
I recently got out of a serious relationship and I noticed that I held back ALL of me. I don’t let people in that are not my sisters. But this person should have not been let in (shouldn’t have even been a relationship but we learn from our young minds right) because all of my fears (why I don’t like letting people in) came true. Broke my heart, ripped it out, and peed/stepped all on it. I am very emotional and giving. When I love someone they need anything they have it.. and at times this leaves me vulnerable. As I think, everyone that I have dated used me in some type of way and I did not notice until afterwards. I don’t like that feeling. I will say that this relationship was a lesson..let’s say about 5493092 lessons….. I learned so much.. I’ll give you all a few. Don’t enter a relationship with someone who is not equally yoked. Don’t charge your “boo” car problems on a credit card. Don’t get a phone line together. Don’t live with someone who wants to be taken care of. Don’t allow yourself to be talked down to and not notice until AFTER the argument… STAND YOUR GROUND. Learn to compromise before a relationship. I was slow in this relationship y’all!!!!!! I still believe in love and I am ready for the next lesson, er I mean relationship..

How do you feel about tattoos, do you find them attractive or a turn off? Explain.
I love them.. I have five and want more. I just don’t know what or where.. Some tattoos make me melt..

Do you think it’s rude for a man or woman to have sex with someone for the first time and not call them the next day? Explain why or why not.
YES!! You just was all up in my vagina and you no call me…… We go fight.. I think it’s rude to act as if the special moments we had weren’t all that special. I expect to be called and If I haven’t been called I have no problem calling them. SOME people do have full time jobs and what not, but they are not that busy that they cannot call to say hi… AND no text messages.. Unless you can have deep, emotional, passionate sex with your phone…

What qualities do the people you date tend to have in common?
Well I have only had one relationship and I have dated one person foreal… Sooooo I would say that I want to attract someone like me.. Kind, respectful, morals, goofy, got a phatty… Ya know… All that good stuff. Assholes need and will NOT come into my space anymore.

How often do you believe it is normal to want sex? Explain your reasoning.
Well this changes based on me being in a relationship or not. (I used to have buddies, no more of that) So since I only have sex based on commitment right now since I am single I would say everyday. If I were in a relationship I would say three or four times a week (does not include more sex when we wake up) if we lived far apart (more than 30 minute) or every other night if we live close. Sometimes sex gets old and I need for someone to hold my attention and the bomb sex wont do that for too long.

Has someone ever betrayed your trust? If so, how did they betray your trust and did you forgive them?
YES, plenty of individuals. The most recent, my ex-girlfriend. I have forgiven her. Took five almost six months, a lot of anger/screaming at the wall as if it was her face, and tears being shed to do so. I don’t want to block my blessing/future by hating her so I have REALLY sincerely forgiven her.

If your life was ending in the next five minutes, what would be ONE final positive impact you would want to leave on the world?
Rising to the top as the underdog. I don’t have to be a FAMOUS underdog, but I will prove a lot of people wrong before I leave this world. I have a lot of individuals who thought I would never amount to anything, told me that I would never do anything of importance in my life, that I would be another statistic. None of what those individuals said has been true. You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to and I have done just that, and I am in no way DONE yet.

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Random 7 w/ JustLissen

December 6th, 2011

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Random 7 w/ JustLissen

If you knew the date of your death, what are three things you would change about your life? Explain.
I think I’d cry if I knew the date of my death because it would mean that I had a definite time span to accomplish my goals. After wiping my tears, there are three things I would change

1. I would spend more time with my family. I’m one of 5 with 24 nieces and nephews. No matter how convoluted or distressing my life, spending time talking to my sisters, mentoring my teenage nieces/nephew, hugging/holding babies brings the simplicity of joy back to the forefront.

2. I’d be more involved in politics. Most people say they get involved in local politics to make changes in their community. I’d rather just influence my fellow politicians. Have you ever noticed how disrespectful and self-considerate our lawmakers can be? I’d teach savvy leadership skills through cultural sensitivity training.

3. I’d pursue my dream of acting on Broadway. Ever since I was little I wanted to be on stage singing, action, dancing. I would devote the rest of my time training in ballet/jazz/modern, taking acting classes and performing in local theater. I’d sing in nightclubs, play my guitar, and croon with the piano… a real traveling troubadour. I wouldn’t tie myself to one city or one job. I’d be free as the wind until I was captured by the glare of lights.

What are some of the dumbest and biggest mistakes that you see men and women making in relationships?
I can only say what I’ve learned through my own experiences

1. Don’t take your significant other for granted. Let them know what they mean to you, how they make you happy, and what could be improved to grow together

2. Chasing after someone who doesn’t’ want to be with you, doesn’t make them come back. It sucks to be in love when you’re not loved back. But if you keep holding on to the past, the future will pass you by. (I’m still learning that).

3. Don’t have unattainable expectations of your mate. Not sure if it’s too much TV, or movies or what but a relationship is not about two perfect people coming together. It’s about learning yourself through continual sacrifice in your loyalty to another.

Have you or would you ever consider pursuing a sexual or serious relationship with someone you work with?
I’m under the impression that you don’t get your honey where you get your money. But recently there’s this cute white boy who’s making me second guess the “code” (lol).

Honestly, I don’t tend to find my coworkers attractive. I work in a stressful environment, so I often see people at their worst. But when you can’t maintain your cool or professionalism in the calmest of atmospheres? We wouldn’t last in a relationship.

How do you think someone can tell if they are truly in love?
I think each time you fall in love it’s different, because it’s unique to the person and your relationship. With the last guy, I knew when I thought about him constantly; when I told him I missed him; and when I let him go because I knew that he would never find happiness with me.

It sounds simple, and for me it was. I knew that his mere presence (and now his memory) held unspeakable contentment and comfort. I saw him in my future, planned events with him in mind welcoming the modification his addition added. I knew that I wanted all his dreams to come to fruition, so I was willing to alter my goals to fit him in.

The loyalty, the diligent consideration, the respect, and the sacrifice behind your actions speak more of your love for someone than your words ever could.

If you could change, add or remove any law what would it be and why?
It’s a draw between:

1. Create a law demanding counseling (during incarceration) and complete rehabilitation services (after release) for all prison inmates. It’s criminal how we are quick to lock up individuals without giving them the opportunity to successfully re-enter society. A caveat to that would be a subsidy for those individuals who participate in these services, with the potential to earn funding to develop programs inside/outside of the jails.

2. State governments would be required to provide opportunities to foster children after they reach legal maturity. After foster kids reach 18, they are no longer the responsibility of foster parents/foster institutions. It would be required that a mentor is found that will partner with them for 3years, subsidized internships would also be required, in addition to providing continual educational/developmental scholarships.

Do you think your life would be a failure if you never got married? Why or why not?
I have always believed that my greatest accomplishment in life would be my family, to have a nucleus to call my own. I still in my heart believe it true, but I also know that I can’t put my life on permanent pause waiting for a man and a marriage. My future will hold multiple things, and I hope that one of them will be a courtship that leads to marriage. If I never get married I would have failed in love, but my life would still be successful.

If your life was ending in the next five minutes, what would be ONE final positive impact you would want to leave on the world?
I want my legacy to be that “you’re never too cool to be kind”. Kindness, genuine care for someone else, leads to change. Whether that’s a lifetime goal or my last 5-minute impression, I live it daily.

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Random 7 w/ She Traces

November 26th, 2011

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Random 7 w/ She Traces

Describe, in detail, what you think makes a woman a good wife.
I believe God’s Word for what makes a Godly man and woman, in other words, what characteristics they posses. The same goes for the duties of husbands and wives. There’s plenty debate surrounding what the Bible means when it talks about wives submitting to their husbands, and allowing their husbands be the head of the household. In theory, that makes sense to me- you can’t function for too long with FIRE and FIRE in a relationship. Somebody has to be water at times; it’s something a couple has to negotiate. What sometimes puzzles me about interpreting the Bible is… practicality. Many Christians know the scripture Proverbs 31. All men want a PROVERBS 31 Woman, or a woman of noble character. But what does she look like by today’s standards? For me, I want my personality traits to be balanced. I don’t want to be too strong, or too soft. I want my actions in the marriage to stem from love, and not fear. Fear has no room in a relationship, let alone a marriage. Sometimes it’s hard not to want to automatically protect your heart, but this a risk you take for taking that leap of faith. Also, I think a good wife will fight for her marriage, she won’t be so quick to give up.

Have you ever made a New Year’s resolution and kept it? If not, what is a resolution you hope to one day keep?
I stopped making New Year’s resolutions a while ago, but I am happy that this year (2011) I have been writing consistently. I’ve always wanted to keep a physical journal, but writing is somewhat of a lost art now-a-days and I only really do it when it’s necessary. I have tried to make a smaller feasible goal of documenting my trips (no matter how short or long) and I think that’s a good way to capture the sensory. Pictures tell a lot, but there’s nothing like writing down how you felt, what you smelled, what you ate, and what you saw soon after it happens. It makes for better blog posts, too!

What is a song that speaks to your soul every time that you hear it? What is it about that song that you enjoy so much and what is the song saying to your soul?
Your Joy by Chrisette Michele is a song she dedicates to her father. It’s reminiscent of those songs fathers and daughters dance to at weddings. I like it because although I didn’t have a father present, I like to close my eyes and imagine the things she describes… that’s how it speaks to the inner me. Years ago I probably would have been bitter about the song, but today at 26 years old, I let the anger go.

If you could change 5 things about the world today, what would they be and why would you change those 5 things?
1. I would like to see Che Guevara’s dream come true- a united Central and South America to form ONE Country with ONE currency and democracy.
2. I would eliminate terminal diseases/or death . (I can’t imagine the Garden of Eden, or the concept of EVERLASTING LIFE where there’s no death, or sickness–even in my dreams!)
3. I would like to see the world move more towards literacy, it seems the internet age is making children rely more on technology for quick (and sometimes inaccurate results) but it’s still not promoting them to think for themselves!
4. On that note, I would like to see education become a PRIORITY for the U.S. I recently saw a film about education in Finland, and they got shorter school days, no homework, most kids start school at the age of 7 and still their test results are in the TOP 5 on international standards.
5. I would stop ALL CRIMES against children.

Have you ever experienced an orgasm? If so, what position did you experience in? If not, what position do you think you would receive it from?
Yes, in many positions. Especially the one you’re thinking about right now.

What are your Top 5 music albums? Explain why you chose those 5 albums.
1- My Life- Mary J. Blige. Growing up I was a die-hard Mary fan, now I’ve fallen back a bit but this was still a classic.
2- Black Summers’ Night- Maxwell. This album is just sexy, and seeing him perform it live also made it come alive for me. His background singers were also his instrumentalists, mind-blowing!
3- Life After Death- BIG. I grew up around lots of uncles and cousins and listening to too much rap growing up, so this album was instilled in me since before I could even understand what ‘crack’ or a ‘mad rapper’ was.
4- Anything from a Disney soundtrack- I grew up with plenty of Sing-Along’s and I never realized how music is the backbone to the Disney flicks.
5- West Side Story soundtrack- I love all the songs in this classic.

If your life was ending in the next five minutes, what would be ONE final positive impact you would want to leave on the world?
When I was in Costa Rica, someone told me, ‘vida solo hay una’ which loosely translates into ‘There’s only one life’ or ‘we only get one chance at life’…so why spend it second-guessing yourself or your decisions? Why not step out of your comfort zone from time to time? Try cooking a new dish! Go somewhere you wouldn’t usually! Say hello to someone first, who cares about who’s looking at you? It can be as simple as that.

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