May 19th, 2012 
Up4Dsn 
If you’ve ever watched an old person and a baby you might have noticed some commonalities. Some are bald and, depending on how old the person is, both the baby and the adult may wear diapers. But the quality about babies and old people that stands out to me the most is their ability to be themselves without any pretenses. The baby is this way because she doesn’t know how to be anything else. She hasn’t been tainted by societal demands, peer pressure, or the impossible Hollywood standards of beauty – she is a “tabula rasa”, a blank slate. The old person is comfortable in her skin because she has been tainted by the pressures and troubles of life and survived it all. Her life experiences allowed her to learn what the young people need to know, which is: all you can be is yourself, so just be it and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.
Political leader and First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” It seems so simple; 18 words that, if people believed, could liberate so many. So if no one cares about what we do, why do we care so much? Is the pressure to behave or believe a certain way real, or is it something that we have conjured up in our minds? Perhaps during Mrs. Roosevelt’s day people didn’t bother scrutinizing the lives of others, but today there are websites dedicated specifically to judging others. Think about it – how many bloggers and talk show hosts have made a name for themselves by putting others on Front Street? We live in an extremely judgmental society and technology makes it convenient to be our hypercritical selves. I can take a picture of someone shopping at Wal-Mart, include a caption, and send it to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and a host of other social network sites with the push of a button. Within 5 minutes I’d have 10 comments of people spewing their opinions about the person in the picture.
I think about this quite a bit because I am a mother and I want to pass on wisdom and positivity to my daughter. I want to teach her to be open to people, to accept them, and to love them unless they prove themselves unworthy. My challenge is that I suffer from both sides of the judgmental coin – I will judge a person in a hot second, but at the same time I’ve always worried about others judging me. I have been working through this issue in therapy (yes therapy black people…another day, another post!) because I understand that by judging and worrying about being judged I am closing myself off to experiences that might benefit me. If I am to teach my daughter to be open, I first have to learn it. So lately I’ve been doing a few things to help shut down my judgmental and worrisome spirit:
- The moment I think a critical thought of someone, I strike it down with a positive thought about that person
- I give out compliments, even if I don’t feel like it – I target one person per day and bless them with kind words
- I suffer from a touch of perfectionism, but lately I have given myself a time limit to do anything that I would normally obsess over; when the time is up, I move on even if it’s imperfect
- I speak these affirmations to myself quietly and aloud all day, “I am humble. I am kind. I am beautiful. I am enough.”
Since I’ve begun this I am re-discovering my Zen. I am calmer and I seem to be settling into my own skin for the first time in my life. The mind is the most powerful instrument on earth, it can convince us that people are watching and judging us or it can allow us to relax like the baby and the old person, and be ourselves regardless of other’s opinions. In the grand scheme of things the only opinions that should matter in your life are those of your God and yourself right?
Here is something I say to myself frequently: “My ultimate goal in life is to get to a point where I can just be, unapologetically me.” Is anyone there yet? I’d love to hear how you arrived.
Blessings,
SJ
My name is Sylvia, I sometimes write under the pen name DStiny August, but here on this site, where we’re all friends, just call me SJ. I have been writing for as long as I can remember, you will never find me without a notebook or a pen, and I update my personal blog, www.dstinysmind.blogspot.com, regularly to keep my writing skills fresh. I believe writing is my gift from God and I feel obligated to use my gift to help others.
My goal as a writer is to entertain and educate people by embedding valuable life lessons into riveting stories. I want to inspire a shift in consciousness that will encourage people to think about why they make certain choices and how those choices affect their lives. I am an eternal optimist who believes that when people know better, they will do better; I simply want to be a catalyst for this type of progress.
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Good stuff Sylvia, really really good stuff.
At some point I believe we've all gotten caught up in the "ways of the world" and, in the process, became overly critical of one another. To the point where our initial thoughts are of a negative variety, only. Which is fine I imagine until such negativity begins to consume us, and reflect upon our own individual lives and spirits in the form of self-doubt, insecurity, negative influences…all the things we as human beings could do without once you really sit and think about.
Your post reminds me of a blog I once wrote entitled Nothing Gold Can Stay where I reminisced upon the one-time innocence of my children when they were babies and the wisdom and good and gentle nature of my dad's mother.
Both gold.
My recent post Likes And Dislikes
I have to check out that post you wrote Don. I totally agree that Sylvia did a great job on this post. She shared a lot of wisdom.
Thank you J!
Thank you Don! I agree that we are all susceptible to getting weighed down by the "ways of the world" that's why I think its' so important to defend ourselves with positivity. Self-doubt, and insecurity lead to anxiety, which is a bed fellow of depression. I think a lot of us suffer from one or all of these issues simply because we haven't learned to be ok with being ourselves. It's definitely a process, and something that one has to work at everyday.
You should re-post Nothing Gold Can Stay on your blog, or send me the link so I can read, please!
That's what I do, I live my life for me. I try not to get caught up in what people think or say.
This is an excellent post!
My recent post What’s Your Flavor?
Thank you for reading!
Good for you that you live life by your own terms. How do you keep from getting caught up by what people say?
I don't know…I never really paid attention to what people say. I see friends do it and they were never really living. I figured if I enjoyed what I was doing, then I could care less what people say or thought. I'm proud of all my mishaps, poor judgments and good ones…I take it as a trial and error and move on.
My recent post Music Mondays: Emotional Rollercoaster
Sylvia, this post is very beautifully written and I hope that it will inspire others to be more accepting of themselves. Fortunately, I have always been comfortable in my skin and not a judgmental person. However, my issues were not judging others or concern about what others thought of me, but more about misjudging myself. My grandmother taught me to think highly of myself, but sometimes her actions contradicted her words. So it wasn't until I was 23 years old and had a personal relationship with God that I learned not just to be comfortable in my skin, but to love what God created in me.
That's beautiful. God can definitely provide us with clarity.
Deborah thank you for reading and chiming in. A relationship with God is essential to being secure and confident. Your comment was well said! If we are not rooted in God's love we will crumble under the judgment and negativity of the world. Knowing God allows us room to be who we are because we understand that even if no one else loves us, He does – and His love is really all we need.
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