September 27th, 2012 
Up4Dsn 
So, what end of the payroll spectrum are you on? Are you in between? Are you earning a six figure salary? Are you only making minimum wage? Would it matter if you met someone you vibe well with and they worked at a place that is nowhere near the industry in which you thrive? Does that make you too good for them? Or does that make them not good enough for you? Looks, personality and even brains. Everything is right there in front of you, except for the fact that they’re slinging grease all day or pushing a mop. They are working somewhere that you may have never worked, will never work, or never pictured yourself being with someone who worked in that field. Are you more worried about the feedback you will receive from family and friends? Are you worried about your image? Is this a deal breaker for you? Would you be embarrassed? Or would you not even give the person the time of day? And after you have answered all of that, tell me why?
I have never seen so much arrogance at one time. From bloggers to tweeters to CNN; I never knew that people could be so picky about the person they would like to spend their life with. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand there has to be balance and stability, but is it possible for everyone to think outside the box for once? Although I have never worked at Burger King or any fast food place for that matter, maybe I’m a little more sympathetic to the situation because I do know what hard work is. Are you only looking for someone’s financial gain because you know that THEIR money could possibly help you get out of your debts? Are you looking at what they already have established because that’s where you feel YOU need to be (even though YOU didn’t work for it, but somehow you feel that’s what you deserve)? Are you worried about your partner’s status because that will help your status (sounds like a groupie to me)? We can worry about the personality and whether or not we vibe later. Right now let’s just focus on how this person is going to benefit me.
How does one process this information? Since I have been blogging, I lost count of how many available men out there would never date me (for example) because I have 2 children (any woman, really). BUT… if I only had one, I could possibly pass the BAR. LOL! Let’s say that I did work at Burger King. The fact that I could hold my own, take care of my kids and balance my bills on this Burger King paycheck still wouldn’t hold up in court. Let’s not forget that women are cold-blooded-stake-in-the-heart-stabbers as well, but tell me what makes you so hot? What gives a person the right to downgrade others because of what they have going for themselves? Is it because they feel as if they fit the “norm” and everyone should want to or be with someone like them? I’m not so sure that I would even add whatever characteristics these “types” have to my list of standards. Primarily because I look beyond pockets and status. SN: To be honest, it’s not everything it’s cut out to be. I’ve been there and done that,lol. Just saying.
To conclude my message, (because I could rant and rave about this all day) I feel that no matter what you do or how deep your pockets run, you can’t deny the truth behind who you fall for. You could come up with excuse after excuse, YOUR reasons why it would never work, and a bunch of other bullshit. You may even end up looking like a total asshole because you were more worried about your appearance and the passing of “society’s” judgement. You know this was the right move but instead you chose the latter. Would you still try to justify the “right-ness” behind your choices? Are you worried about how you would look in Burger King’s window, because when you make plans to go eat lunch with your partner you can eat right there at the place they work? How convenient! I think there are a lot of people looking for love in all the wrong places and they will either die lonely or unhappy, because they fell in love (or so they thought) for all the wrong reasons. I think the heart goes way deeper than the shallowness that I have seen lately, but I guess once your mind is set, it’s set. Happy match-making everyone!!
Up 4 Discussion…
1) Could you date someone who worked in an industry earn a lot less money than you?
2) Would you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable dating someone who worked at a fast food restaurant?
3) How important is your partner’s job title and salary to you?
No specifics. Just me. Just common sense.
| Get FREE Up4Dsn Email Updates! |
Follow us! 
|
Posted in 
Tags: 
This whole post was awesome, but this is my favorite part:
"I think there are a lot of people looking for love in all the wrong places and they will either die lonely or unhappy, because they fell in love (or so they thought) for all the wrong reasons."
ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Thank you.
Most def. That is TRUTH!
Thank you so much Shane, I am really glad that you enjoyed it!
I agree and disagree.
I would be happy with a person in an industry I wouldn't consider or with a paycheck that wasn't as ahem…stellar as mine (lol!) IF, and ONLY IF, whatever they are doing is congruent with their life path, or they are truly happy & fulfilled with their profession. Men NEED to have a clear picture of their future or they will NEVER be able to see you in it and you will be wasting your time.
Where I think people get it wrong is they include material things in "husband/wife material" lists as QUALITIES that make them COMPATIBLE. Having a college education or a certain job doesn't make you compatible with a person, having shared interests, goals & sense of humour does. It's fine to only look for compatibility AMONGSTthat pool, but you must remember two things:
1) just because a person meets your basic lists requirements doesn't make them marriage material, and
2) just because they are everything YOU want in a mate doesn't make YOU everything THEY want. If you only want hedge fund managers and you are a 300lb brunette, and all he wants are size 2 blondes…you need to bridge the gap yourself.
Whooo! Look at you Amaris! I applaud your comment. What you said is on point. There are so many different variables that must be considered. Thank you so much for pointing that out.
"Having a college education or a certain job doesn't make you compatible with a person, having shared interests, goals & sense of humour does." <~ exactly!!
"Men NEED to have a clear picture of their future or they will NEVER be able to see you in it and you will be wasting your time" <~ as for this, yes!! I understand. But everything can't come wrapped in pretty packaging on top of defects are a clear part of nature. Some people are put in certain situations where they are not necessarily lost but has never had the drive to clear a pathway for the things that they dream of. Let's say this is where YOU come in. For example: a close friend of mine, ECU grad ended up going with somewhat of a middle (close to the top) league "street pharmacists". Shocking for everyone! YES!! However, with said "compatibility", she looked far beyond what the present maintained (and he had no thoughts on a future. What is that? lol) He is now a successful owner of a construction company. With her forceful motivation
But don't get me wrong Amaris, this is not to make an excuse for settling for less. It's only for people to open their eyes to more than what they THINK fits their list of "qualities" they would like to have in a person. We all want what we want, but we can't have everything that we want.
I just say if the BK crown fits, then wear it. People tend to avoid the very exact things that they know could be good for them. But it's clear, half the time, nobody really want what they know they need anyway because somewhere there was a glich in the system. If the BK cashier can romance and woo me from behind the counter, and fry my french fries AANNNDDD whip me up a whopper with cheese at the same damn time… I'm on it. BK would get all my money!!
Hi Candi, Why wouldn't anyone date you just because you have 2 kids? Chemistry and compatibility are paramount.
1. The amount of money someone makes to me is irrelevant.
2. No I wouldn't. If you plan to make that your career though, we will have a problem
3. My partner's job title and salary is irrelevant. See 2b
I'm curious, where does the career and salary of a person you're dating, involved with or in love with rank on your list of requirements?
I don't really have a list per se but there's no static salary or particular thing like that. As long as you are going to grow as a person, and elevate yourself, I have no problem with what you do. Of course the closer your salaries and careers are the better(on paper anyway) but that doesn't always work out
Co-signed!
That makes sense. Thanks for answering my question. I appreciate that.
"Chemistry and compatibility are paramount." <~ Yes Petersburgh!! The same way I see it. LOL!! But I hear and read about it more than often. I'm not ashamed or embarassed by it, LMAO!!! I'm good at EVERYTHING I do (yes I was tootin' my own horn right there) But it's sad when people are singled out because of random expectations and standards.
BTW, Loved your answer to #2, LMAO!!
I think we all enter the dating scene with two lists: The first list is of the attributes we'd most like to find in a mate–maybe on that list you'd find the most superficial things like hot body, gorgeous face, fat pockets.
On this other list we have our bare minimum requirements for a mate. Maybe that would be things like a GED, not currently on parole or possessing most of their limbs and mental faculties.
Of course, we'd just love to have a sweetie on that first list–but if push came to shove perhaps we'd grudgingly settle for someone on the second.
I suspect very few would–as a first choice–go for an individual who's really a step down from where they are today.
I'm not suggesting it doesn't happen. I've seen my share of folks who are with a mate who makes you scratch your head at the apparent lack of similarity. You're thinking, "What in the hell is she doing with that homeless guy!"
But, again, I think in situations like this we may be witnessing a case of someone settling for someone who's not on their ideal list.
Last thing is this: There are those who are attracted specifically to certain types. We all know girls who love bad boys. You mention working at a menial labor job. These dudes wouldn't be caught working at a legal job period.
The men may be "kept" by the female or maybe the guy hustles for a living.
Whatever the case, this type of slick dude tends to have no shortage of willing females around.
My recent post Insane Bad Move: Reuniting With Your Ex!
You made a very good point. I agree that we all have our lists. At the end of the day, I believe we all make compromises. What's important is the reason we're making those compromises. Are the compromises being made for our benefit, our partner's benefit or the benefit of both partners?
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Don't hesitate to swing back by the site again. I'd luv to get your perspective on the other various topics we discuss. Thanks so much!
"What's important is the reason we're making those compromises. Are the compromises being made for our benefit, our partner's benefit or the benefit of both partners?" *raises hand* O O O pick me!! lol, love love love this question!!
I have compromised. And to begin with, I was compromising for myself because it was fun. I didn't expect anything serious. but my emotional stability was at it's all time peak. I was being swooned, treated like a queen… of course I was going to stick around. Then I in turn became beneficial to him. There were things I posessed (who knew?!) that benefited him in ways that he needed/maybe always wanted. Now that we were benefiting each other, things are taken to another level. I become the medium in his road just like he was the medium in mine and we merged. No one understood, but it was just one of them things like Adam, here, said, "What in the hell is she doing with that homeless guy!" It didn't matter to me, though, because no one knew the type of relationship that we had. All they could focus on was image and background checks LOL!!
LOL @ background checks!Yeah I've come to realize that no matter who you are with people are going to judge. Either they want to know why you are with some lowly person or someone who doesn't treat you like they feel you deserve to be treated or they are scratching their heads trying to understand how you landed someone above your level. At the end of the day others will always have their opinions.That's why it is so important to be secure in self. Only we can know what we deserve and what best suits us. It's cool to listen to others opinions,but we must make our own decisions.
"That's why it is so important to be secure in self" <~Absolutely J!! Just slather me with a charcoiled patty and place me on a sesame seed bun!
People will talk regardless, and to be honest, how often do we hear a good sum of people agree that 2 people were really made for one another? They feel they have to look a certain type of way, own a certain amount of assets, or contain a certain amount of money and so forth. I just want to love, be loved and live happy.
"On this other list we have our bare minimum requirements for a mate. Maybe that would be things like a GED, not currently on parole or possessing most of their limbs and mental faculties." LLS!!
"I suspect very few would–as a first choice–go for an individual who's really a step down from where they are today." I suspect the same. But how do you classify what a "step down" is? How do you put yourself in a category above whomever it is that you choose to associate yourself with? Is that a money thing, image, where you choose to shop… ? I'm just curious to know how we can put ourselves in a classification that justifies the type of people we think we are "SUPPOSE" to be with?
And if anyone is wondering, NO! we are not together! That mutha-pheeny was swooning everybody!! LLS!! Ya'll thought this was going to be a beautiful love story, didn't you?! Adam was right… "Whatever the case, this type of slick dude tends to have no shortage of willing females around." But I would have to ask, what "type" of females because apparently I didn't meet his standards, either.
That's interesting. Some men are just funny like that.
Let me drop this comment. I personally think that a job is a job. I know many females that have men with no jobs.
I would be ashamed if I met somone working at Mickey D'sm but honestly speaking. I probably won't date them. Money issues aside, I make my own. But if your a certain age and you can't see yourself working somewhere other than a fast food resturant we need to have a chat.
If he works, anywhere and doesn't make the same amount as me? I'm cool….just keep working period. LOL if he strives for better I'm here to help give him that push and help fill out apps with him.
I may have said this before. He has to have job!! That's what is important to me. I can't see myself, taking care of a grown man.
I can definitely respect you requiring a man to have a job.I'm curious, does his position at a fast food restaurant matter to you? Will you still not date him if he were a manager, for example?
I honestly don't know. I actually live around the corner form MIckey D's and know quite a few of the managers. If they had a good head on their shoulders maybe.
Just to correct myself, I meant to type I wouldn't be ashamed.
I can dig that. I'll admit that sometimes it's hard to separate people from their status or career.
Now "no job" is different. But then again, we have to consider the economy. It's people out here with PhD's that are struggling to find the career of their choice. I know this one lady who has a Master's in Business and a bunch of other stuff, but she works at a bookstore at a community college. My best friend has an Associates in Accounting and some other long hard word, but she works in a tobacco factory and not to mention her sister who just graduated in Criminal Justice…. no job!! What are we suppose to do with that, if these are the type of people that we encounter and they make us happy?
Now Sunny… lol!! Mc Donald's actually have some awesome benefits. 401k, health insurance, the whole 9. Actually more than my job offers. Make's me wonder if I should switch careers LMAO!!
I just wanna correct something, I meant to write I wouldn't be ashamed.
But I agree. I know many people who have went thru school and aren't working in the field of study. I don't understand it at all. Jobs want people in that field and people go to school for it, but you don't hire them because they don't have enough experience? IDK
I hear they do offer all that…maybe we should but the hours might not be my friend.
Yes, our job and education system is so flawed. It's sad when you think about it.
Tremendous read.
1) Could you date someone who worked in an industry earn a lot less money than you?
Yes, of course. Most of the women I've been seriously involved all earned more money than myself. Once upon a time I would've answered opposite, cause I once believed money to be the key to happiness, and constantly thinking that more money equaled more happiness. But now that I know what it feels like to have (well, had) money, I often reflect upon how I (we) was happier before the money arrived. And that says what?
If it's love, then all the money in the world couldn't come between the man and woman. And if not love, then no amount of money can make it last forever.
2) Would you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable dating someone who worked at a fast food restaurant?
No, not at all.
My recent post TV One's Unsung
Hi Don, thank you so much for reading and commenting.
And jumping right to this lovely answer you have given… " now that I know what it feels like to have (well, had) money, I often reflect upon how I (we) was happier before the money arrived"… I think I fell in love!!
I'm currently in this on-again-off-again situation, and we were in a heated arguement about all the changes that have taken place and why everything was so unsteady. But this opinion you just shared is the very same thing that I shared with him. My exact words were, "I liked it better when we were broke." And I meant every bit of it. You find out that money is only the cure-all for bills, not the cure-all for love and happiness. Believing that you are progressing with someone from the ground up can quickly turn into a battle between you and your mate's ego. And honestly I had never seen anything like it until now.
I'm just glad I'm not the only one who feels that way, thanks for that answer!