September 14th, 2012 
Up4Dsn 
When I decided to become a mom, I knew that some things needed to change. Two of those things were running the streets and partying all the time. I didn’t want to be the type of mother who could always be found in a club or a party, while my child was at home with a sitter or relative. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going out every now and then, but when you are a mom and in the club 3 to 5 times a week and your “social life” is more important to you than being an “active” parent to your child, that’s a problem.
Some moms would like to debate the fact that their children are in bed, asleep when they leave the house. My response is, “So, your point is?” Just because you go out after your kids are asleep, doesn’t mean that you should be partying all the time. I believe that once you decide to have a child, some things need to come to an end. Due to the fact that you are responsible for the well being of someone else, you need to be at home.
I know that when you are a single mom, you can get very lonely and want to talk to and be around other adults. Trust me, I get that but at the same time, if you wanted to run the streets all the time, leaving the responsibility of watching your child to someone else, or leaving your child responsible for taking care of themselves, then you should not have had children. If something were to happen to your child while you were out partying, what would you do? Would it be worth your child getting hurt while you ran the streets several nights a week?
There are other single moms who feel like they “deserve to do them” and spend time with their “boo.” Again, I get that, but there are some things that you sacrifice when you become a mother. “Doing you” is one of them. It’s no longer all about you. You chose to have a child, so you need to be more worried about “doing them” than “doing you!”
As far as spending time with you’re boo, any man worth his salt that really wanted to be with you will accept your child as well. It’s a package deal. He can’t get you without accepting them. If you really have to explain this to a man, then you need to kick him to the curb…PRONTO! If a man always wants to spend his time with you and never wants to incorporate your child into the ratio, then he is a man looking for one thing and it’s not long-term.
The question then becomes, “How are you really parenting your child?” Do you know what they are doing when you aren’t around, especially those who are old enough or who you “think” are old enough to take care of themselves? Are they spending all their time on the internet, instead of doing their homework? Are you being an “active” parent, meaning that you are part of their day-to-day life, especially when it comes to school and grades? When was the last time that you went over their homework with them to ensure that it was done correctly or are you “taking their word for it” that they are doing what they are supposed to do? If your child has a cell phone, have you reviewed the texts that they are sending and receiving? Do you know who their friends are and what type of families their friends come from? These are just some of the things that “active” parents do. Based on what I have seen, mothers who are too busy having a “social life” and not being “active” in the lives of their children, do not know or do not do any of the things that I just referred to.
Ladies, if it is you that I am speaking of, you need to take a moment and check yourself. Go ahead and reel yourself back in. Get it together before it’s too late. You only get one chance at this job called motherhood. There are no do over’s. The examples that you show your children today are the ones that they will follow tomorrow. The clubs and partying will still be there later. You just may be too damn old to do that by then, but would you rather say, “I raised a productive child” or “I partied well into my 50′s?” You make the decision.
Up 4 Discussion…
1) Do you think that it is okay for mothers to go out all the time and party?
2) Do you think that children are affected by a parent that consistently runs the street?
Tyese Knighten is the Editor in Chief of the Sexy Single Mommy.com. She writes about the uncensored truth about being a sexy single mommy. Her blog is not only for single mothers, but she also gives the raw truth to both men and women about dating and relationships.
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I can agree with this. I do know a lot of moms who are always out and about. I went out a lot after I had my first mini, but then I grew tired of the scene. I just went to have some time to hang out. After realizing I need not be in the club, I calmed it down. Now I attend events here and there. Frankly, I'm older and wise… LOL
Sunny, why do you think some women still hit the clubs consistently after having a child? Does it have to do with habits or something else entirely?
Honestly J I have no idea. I was going because one of my bestie loved to party (she's a mom like those mentioned above) and didn't like going alone. So she dragged me along, later I go into it. But it wasn't a consistant thing.
Like I said, I think someone like to get out and have eyes on them, and not the ur a mom eye. Idk I enjoy being a mom…lol I'm on baby number 2 and I haven't been out like that in quite some time. I always was a home body….just got sucked into the club life and had to break out. LOL
I can dig it. Glad you were able to break free and do what you truly love. That's what it's all about Sunny!
I am not a mother, but I am an aunt. I'm not saying the two are in any way equal but my sister is one of these moms. And I have tried many times to tell her that her place is at home with her boys. Granted she has tried, but she still reverts back to her ways.
This post really hit home for me because my niece and nephew call me mom and call their mother by her first name. I completely agree with this post, once you become a mother your focus should be your kids. Don't get me wrong I love my niece and nephew but my sister needs to understand it is not my job to take care of her kids the way that I do. I know that seems insensitive but that's how I feel.
I agree…taking care of your sisters children is not your responsibility. Do you think she understands what she is doing? Does she see the effect that it's having on her children?
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I appreciate it.
I know she knows what she's doing. I hate to say it but I really don't think she cares. Which is why I don't have the heart to just stop looking out for them. She has the same generic complaint of, "I'm young, and I want to experience life."
Eventually she'll get it but it will truly be too late. Thankful for my former brother-in-law, he loves his kids and will hopefully have them soon.
Wow! That is so unfortunate. I often wonder how some parents can have such blinders on their eyes. A child comes before a parent. It's as simple as that. I know I don't have children, but I think I do understand that concept.
It's not insensitive she made them, she had to take care of them. Point blank period!
I agree with you. It is not your place to raise your nieces and nephews because your sister wants to hang out. The thing is, we only get one chance to be a parent. There are no do overs. Hopefully your sister will get it together soon. I'm glad that you could relate to my post.
It is, however I feel like, and my family feels as if that's the best place for them to be. I wonder about the blinders to, and the sheer lack of love parents seem to not want to give. I don't have kids either but love from a parent isn't something a child should be lacking, even I know that.
Exactly! Every child, and person, needs love…especially from their parents.
I think children learn just as much if not more from what you do than what you say, and I think it is VERY important your child sees a well-rounded adult. Children are notoriously ungrateful. They will never appreciate all you have done, even when they have their own children, so yes, I do believe that your child should see you "putting the oxygen mask on first", so to speak (please understand that I am speaking from the perspective of a person who has worked with the nightmare "dance mom/soccer dad", an often overworked, overweight overly-frustrated parent who has poured every fiber of their being into a child that klater gives up dance completely at 15 to chase boys/girls…and where does that leave everyone?)…
HOWEVER, there are FAR more productive ways to do that that to head out to the club. Let your child watch you exercise. Go out for a weekly or bi-weekly "date night". My mom would host small church gatherings where children were in one room, adults in the other, so moms have a chance to enjoy adult company. There are ways to enjoy the company of adults and be an adult without sacrificing your children's well-being. And clubbing is the province of the young.
Hey amaris! Thank you so much for stopping by, reading this post and sharing your thoughts.
You made some excellent points and provide great examples for how parents can still enjoy their lives and be the best examples they possibly can be for their children. Thank you so much for sharing that with us!
Very well said.
Yes, I agree with your post completely. I have been that single mother who longed to go out and party, but didn't because I had a little one to think about. She became my world, and if I couldn't take her with me then I didn't go. I did go out when her father had her for the weekend, but that wasn't overly often. I didn't want men in her life unless they were going to be a part of the picture for the long run.
That is what you call a responsible parent. It baffles me that more parents don't view things similarly. As a person who doesn't have a child I often wonder…is it really that difficult to put your child first?
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Crystal. I hope you'll swing by again.